Birds With Arms
I got to Austin before sunrise, the Greyhound pulled in at 4am. City buses into town hadn’t started running yet. I went and sat at the ihop across the freeway from the Greyhound station, along with the people wrapping up their Saturday night partying with stacks of pancakes and syrup, a preventative measure for impending hangovers. I sat there accepting coffee refill after coffee refill from my waiter until the sun cam up and city buses started running into town. The waiter, a sweet teenager with a mouth full braces, was about to get off work, but I could tell he was reluctant to give me a ride when I hinted at it. And I don’t blame him. I was looking a bit ragged, I could have been anybody. My inquiry into seeing the bats while in town, probably struck him as odd. As I later found out, true to legend, the bats that live under Congress bridge in downtown Austin emerge every evening at dusk in endless awe rendering hordes. Covering the cobalt sky with their infinite blackness, they are a natural phenomenon to behold - truly.
I waited until the sun came up. When I got on the bus the bus driver lady told me that you had to have bus tickets, they didn’t accept cash unless it was the exact amount - they didn’t break change. I explained I was traveling and that I didn’t have exact change but would for certain the next time I got on the bus. She was nice enough to let me stay on anyway. I got a free ride ride down town sitting next to a woman who muttered to herself about injustices as she organized and reorganized bags within bags within her shopping cart, while making continuous efforts to straighten her drooping wig. Tough there is no statistical evidence on the subject, there seems to be a correlation between shoddy wigs worn on jaunty angles and ladies who talk to themselves. I recognized her, I had seen her earlier in the bus station washroom when I was brushing my teeth and rinsing up after an 18 hour bus ride from New Orleans. She occupied the one bathroom stall with the door that didn’t lock, and then stood in front of the sink for what easily could have been a minute, or a lifetime applying lipstick as best as she could, given the warped bend in the reflection.
If belt loops were caterpillars, it would be so fun to put on belts, I think it would also make a good meme. It wouldn’t be too hard to photoshop, it would go viral for sure. The thing about a meme is that it doesn’t belong to anyone - it just is. A meme is like DNA, impossible to know how it will evolve. Birds with Arms is a meme that’s gone viral. It’s just like what you imagine, its birds with superimposed human limbs. Some of them are of birds carrying weapons, which is also kind of funny, but also not.
Evolutionarily speaking, humans are not directly derivative of birds, but there are still some people trying to get this sorted out in online chat rooms:
“My friend told me humans are evolved from birds, like sparrows, chaffinches and eagles. Is this true? He says humans started as birds and gradually turned into men and women. He says there are some children in some other countries that grow up with wings. Is it true? I'm not sure it is but he says so.”
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
“If I’m not mistaken all animals including humans were made by god in his infinite wisdom. Evolution is an abomination against the good lord! It is scientific propaganda to bring doubt onto the almighty.
In a recent sermon which I attended, the priest did say that upon creating the heavens and the earth (Genesis1:1). God firstly decided on the form of the winged beasts such as sparrows and eagles before using these as inspiration more complex animals such as humans.
Therefore, as the “e” word does not exist, the question is invalid and your friend is a liar. But, by coincidence god did indeed draw the inspiration of man from firstly creating birds.
The Asker's Comment:
Some of the other answers, had a different perspective:
“We share a common ancestor with the mighty Chaffinch. Don't listen to these charlatans Norbulon, they only wish to trick you into disbelieving the potential you have inside. Pray nightly and your wings will return allowing you to take to the skies like that blonde dude in Xmen 3.”
The degree to which birds and humans share genetic makeup aside, as species, each has had an effect on the other. Flight! Birds have inspired humans to fly. From Icarus to drone technology, we have the birds to thank for our evolution in air craft design.Humans have in turn have helped the advancement of birds. Cities! Cities have had a direct impact on the brain morphology of birds, helping them become more adaptable, contributing to their capacity for innovation in-city dwelling. City birds are actually bigger brained than other birds.
While pigeons are smart, they are not necessarily the smartest birds just because they live in cities. Seemingly well adapted to city life, actually, Pigeons, have it relatively easy. They inhabit cities not so much because they have developed the smarts to, for them it’s not really that big a feat of evolution. In their case, they do well in city environments because cities basically replicate conditions similar to their original habitat - with plenty of nesting and feeding opportunities, and near lack of predators, pigeons have all that their hearts desire.
But some other birds really are quite clever. Crows in Japan, for example, have been sighted successfully cracking walnuts by placing them on the road at traffic lights. When the lights turn red, and traffic stops, the birds hop in front of the cars and place the nuts. After the lights turn green, the birds fly away and the cars drive over the nuts, cracking them open. When the lights turn red again they swoop down and pick up. If the cars miss the nuts, the birds will sometimes hop back down and put them somewhere else on the road. Other times they’ll sit up on electric wires and drop them in front of vehicles as they’re driving by.
Breaded cats is another meme gone viral, in which people take pictures of their cats head through a slice of bread. Last winter I breaded my roommate’s cat, Captain Adventure. It turned out to be really a lot harder to put Captain Adventure’s head through a slice of hungarian marble bread than I thought. It took three people, me, my roommate and her boyfriend. My roommate held down Captain Adventure, her boyfriend dealt with the bread and I took the picture, which later, my roommate posted on Facebook. Captain Adventure is a poor choice in name for him, since he’s a house cat and unless you count the breading and the time my roommate tried to wash his paws, he barely has any adventures at all. House cats are depressing. I encountered some haunted cats once, in an abandoned warehouse by the train tracks in Asheville, North Carolina. There were about 17 of them, all black and just looking at them you knew they had seen whatever they had seen, likely ghosts, and were forever changed by the experience. Those cats had a mystical aura, they were really remarkable cats from another dimension - they, I am certain, had many adventures. Captain Adventure is pretty much the opposite of those cats.
At first I had moral qualms about the breading - I mean, is it really ethical to take embarrassing pictures of your pets and post them on Facebook without their consent? People do it all the time, people do it to their kids, but still. . . All in all, we really didn’t use much force and Captain Adventure wasn’t hurt, just confused. After we were done, he sulked around vacantly, like he had just emerged from a strange dream or a past life regression.
My old boss had a passed life regression reading done once. She told me that she was told that she used to ride horses, which now explained her affinity for all things equestrian. But then again, a lot of people probably rode on horses in their passed lives because they hadn’t invented the automobile yet, or the bicycle either. I’ve had a passed life regression. I was helping a friend harvest honey - which I can see why some people are vegan about, a lot of bees have to die in order to get honey - they get stuck in the was and end up in the big vats that then spin the honey out of the combs with centrifugal, and what ever is left of the bees after that gets siphoned out. At some point in our conversation, my friend looked up from the sticky wax and asked me if I knew what I had been in my passed life. In a flash I had very sudden, very vivid vision - I knew. I guess you could say the question touched my heart, it was sort of an awakening. After that things were very different - everything mattered less, but also more.
One heart is already a lot. I couldn’t imagine being an octopus, they have three hearts, it’s true, I googled it. Two branchial hearts pump blood through each of the two gills, while the third pumps blood through the body. Despite their size they can squeeze through the tinniest hole and camouflage so well they become invisible. Octopi is not incorrect, but is not technically correct either, the plural form of octopus is octopuses. But formally, when in a group setting they’re called a consortium. . . continue reading more. . .